Rena and Her Decision

This is actually Rena’s Google+ Post just a few hours ago. It summarized very well how she felt after the Gingham Check concert where she performed the last time as a JKT48 member. What’s interesting from her post this time is that she’s using a language pattern that is a complete polar opposite of what she’s been usually doing. She’s using a newspaper formal-like Japanese in her post this time that it somehow feels strange coming from Rena.

But anyway, here’s the translation and I hope it helps, and I’m really sorry for any mistranslated parts since I’m supposed to be ready at airport this early morning to catch up a flight to Brazil and I haven’t done yet with my personal belongings.

Good evening.

The other day, I finished my last performance as JKT48 team J.

I joined JKT48’s concert at 12th June in Jakarta after a long time absence. I feel a longing for the place where I started.

At childhood, I lived in Thailand for a year, at Australia for three and half year, and after that in Japan. So, in total, I spent only three years in Jakarta, but two years of that was from after I joined JKT before I went back to Japan. And due to that, Jakarta-Indonesia, became really precious for me.

To be honest, at JKT48’s 1st generation audition, I didn’t know why I was there. I wasn’t really into idols (as a career path?) at that time and I applied with totally no hope for passing. At lesson studio there were many Indonesian girls who a little bit senior than me. I was confused, but then I started to consider that this is something natural as I lived in Indonesia.

Then I finally understand what thing I apply for. There were many people who can’t speak English nor Japanese. Before I completely understand what is that (JKT48?) the final audition came and then suddenly I became one of JKT48 member.

But I’m a shy girl and not that good at communication with many people even at school, it was so hard to make friends with people who can’t speak my languages. No one taught me Indonesian specific culture. I did my best to use my ears and eyes, I did my best as a thirteen years old girl. At first I’m so frustrated that I can’t understand what they said at MC or TV. To be honest, I ashamed of myself. But without me even noticing, I became fluent in Bahasa Indonesia as time goes by.

After half year JKT48 started, JKT48’s own theater was built. At that time there were many vacant seats. There were many times a show with only ten to twenty audiences, members were all at their limit, both physically and mentally. So, almost all 1st generation members sealed off that memory. That was a really hard time.

But I honestly think we must not seal off that memory. That was a really hard time but also a really great and precious memory as well. Because we helped each other and tried to overcome many obstacles. From there we created the bonds of 1st generation. We overcome that together so that we can lay the foundation of JKT48 for the future (generations)

We participated in many TV programs, and I became Senbatsu member in many selections. Then audiences form a line for waiting list, many people started to know about JKT48. But when Haruka-san and Akicha-san joined us, at that beautiful phase, I had to leave Indonesia.

I said ”I’ll do my best to introduce JKT48 to Japanese people”, but my activities until now is less than satisfactory. I’m really frustrated. But I guess I just reaped what I sow with my limited capabilities.

But at that time, there was JKT48 Calendar Sousenkyo. I no longer active in Jakarta, but yet, my name was called. I was really moved. Many fans at there still supporting me. So, I’ll do my best in Japan. I have an obligation to repay Indonesian fans, for sure.

And that’s why, at that last trip to Jakarta, I made a peaceful end with my past. Now I’m AKB48 team B member, I shall forget all those blessed environment until now and will live like a foreign species weeds in my new place. And I shall grow up to a really big splendid flower. If you have spare water of watering can, please give that to me.

Weeds can grow up at the corner of the stage, even if there are less water and sunshine.

I don’t know why though; when the airplane departed from Jakarta, I feel absolutely nothing. But after I landed on Narita, my tears just won’t stop. I don’t know why.

For Japanese fans, I’m still a big mystery. But please explore myself. Ask me with questions. I’ll try to answer two or three questions at Google+ per 1 post.

Please help me from now on.

Editor’s Note (Angga):
Well..she already started by changing her Twitter username and profile. I really wish for the best for her but at the same time, I also hope that she doesn’t hurt herself too much. She already shows a determination there and I hope it will help her future.

Source